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Writer's pictureTim Leach

The Sleep Struggle: Effective Tips for Getting Your Toddler to Bed Without Tears



Ah, bedtime with a toddler—the battle of wills, the endless negotiations, and those precious moments where you question every single decision you've ever made as a parent. You know the ones: when you're crouching beside their bed, offering to read "just one more story" in exchange for five minutes of silence. Or maybe you're the parent who’s already threatened to "cancel tomorrow" if they don't close their eyes immediately. Sound familiar? You’re not alone.


Let’s face it—putting a toddler to bed is less like tucking in a sweet, innocent child and more like trying to wrangle a caffeinated octopus into a straight jacket. But don’t worry; we’re going to get through this. Together. And with as few tears (yours or theirs) as possible.


Why Bedtime Feels Like a Gladiator Arena


Toddlers are like little Napoleon Bonapartes. They’re small but mighty, determined to conquer all, including their own bedtime. Why? Because bedtime equals loss of control, and if there's one thing toddlers love, it's control.


Around the age of two or three, toddlers begin to understand that they have choices. Unfortunately, one of those choices is not bedtime. They know you're bigger, smarter, and (sometimes) quicker, but that doesn't mean they'll surrender without a fight. So, it's not just about "I'm not tired"—it’s about the fact that going to sleep means missing out on the fun.


They're working on FOMO levels that would put a social media influencer to shame. Your job? Convincing them that sleep is actually the best party in town. And I’m here to help you do it—without any parental meltdowns (we’ll keep those for when they go off to uni).


The Art of the Wind-Down Routine


One of the biggest hurdles in toddler bedtime struggles is transitioning from chaos to calm. It’s hard to go from playing hide-and-seek at 100 miles per hour to "sleepy time" in a matter of minutes. So, we need to ease into it. Think of it like a landing strip for their brain instead of a cliff they’re falling off of.


Step 1: Start Early


If your toddler’s bedtime is 8:00 PM, don’t wait until 7:55 PM to start thinking about winding down. Begin at least an hour before. This doesn’t mean turning off the lights and whispering like you're suddenly in a library, but it does mean slowing things down a bit.

Dim the lights, turn off the TV, and put away those loud, flashing toys that make you question why you ever allowed them into your home in the first place.


Step 2: Bath Time = Bliss Time


Most toddlers love bath time (unless they’re on one of their “I hate water now” streaks, in which case, good luck). A warm bath can be the perfect way to signal the end of the day. Add some calming lavender bath bubbles if you really want to get fancy. If they fight you on the bath, just remember: you’re in charge (or so we tell ourselves).


Step 3: Pajamas That Feel Like a Dream


Comfort is key here. Make sure their pajamas are soft, cozy, and free of scratchy tags or seams. If they’re really into a particular character or theme, let them pick their jammies - it gives them a sense of control (without them knowing you still have it all).


Step 4: Story Time, Not Story Marathon


Here’s where most parents slip up: we get suckered into reading five, six, sometimes seven stories because, let’s face it, toddlers have some serious negotiation skills. (Seriously, if they put half that effort into life later, they’ll be set.) Stick to one or two books max, and make them predictable.


Keep the storytelling calm and the lighting low. We’re not auditioning for an animated read-aloud here. Think of it as gently lulling them into a near-hypnotic state. Bonus tip: If your voice starts to sound boring to yourself, you’re doing it right.


Mastering the Toddler Time Warp


You know what I’m talking about. The moment you declare, “Alright, time for bed!” suddenly your toddler has a list of urgent needs longer than your last grocery trip.

“I’m thirsty.”“I need to pee.”“I’m scared.”“My sock feels weird.”“I need my teddy bear.”“I can’t find my other teddy bear.”“I don’t know where my hands are.”And, of course, the classic: “I’m not tired.”


These little creatures have a knack for turning bedtime into an all-night performance. So, what do you do? You preempt their shenanigans.


The Bedtime Checklist


Create a bedtime checklist. Write it out or make it into a cute little chart (laminate it if you’re feeling ambitious). This checklist should include all the typical excuses they throw at you every night: water, bathroom, favorite stuffed animal, extra hug, etc. If it’s on the checklist and it’s been done, they can’t use it against you later.


When they try to pull out one last request, you can calmly point to the checklist and say, “We already did everything, sweetie. Time to sleep now.”


The Power of Consistency


If you’ve ever attended one of my workshops, you’ll know I preach consistency like it’s gospel. Why? Because toddlers thrive on it. They love structure even if they fight it with every fiber of their being.


Set a bedtime and stick to it. No matter what. This isn’t just about turning into a bedtime drill sergeant—it’s about creating a sense of security for your child. They will come to expect the routine, and over time (and with a little luck), they’ll start to accept it, too.


Handling the “I’m Scared” Syndrome


Toddler imaginations are like the wildest ride at an amusement park - one minute they’re imagining flying unicorns, the next minute, every shadow in the room is a monster.

How do you deal with the dreaded “I’m scared” without making them think there’s actually something to be scared of? Simple. Acknowledge their fears without amplifying them.


Here’s a trick that works for a lot of parents: The Magic Spray. Fill a small spray bottle with water, and before bed, let them spray it around the room to “keep monsters away.” It’s simple psychology, really. You’re giving them control over their environment without feeding into the fear itself. Plus, they’ll probably think it’s fun.


The Fine Art of "Goodnight, I’m Outta Here"


Ah, the exit strategy. This is where many parents stumble. You’ve done the routine, checked the checklist, sprayed the room with monster spray, and now… it’s time to leave.

But your toddler has other plans. Maybe they want you to stay until they fall asleep. Maybe they’re going for round two of the Great Bedtime Escape. Here’s where a little tough love comes in handy.


The 5-Minute Check-In


Let them know you’ll be back in five minutes to check on them, whether they’re awake or asleep. This gives them reassurance without turning you into their all-night bedside companion. If they’re still awake after five minutes? Calmly check in and say, “I’ll be back in another five minutes.” Rinse and repeat.


The key here is to be firm but loving. You’re teaching them to fall asleep on their own, which is one of the most valuable skills you can give them (and yourself).


What to Do When All Else Fails


If you’ve tried everything and your toddler is still doing their best nocturnal impression of a howler monkey, don’t panic. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Every toddler is different, and some just take longer to adjust.


Wrapping It Up: You’ve Got This


At the end of the day (literally), toddler bedtime doesn’t have to feel like a war zone. Yes, there will be nights where you’ll want to throw in the towel. Nights where you’ll question why you ever thought bedtime could be peaceful. But with a solid routine, a little consistency, and a sprinkle of creativity, you’ll get through it.


And remember, if you ever need that extra support, my workshops are here for you. We’ll laugh, we’ll cry (probably less than your toddler), and we’ll figure out how to make bedtime a little less chaotic—and maybe even a little bit fun.


Until then, sweet dreams (for you and your little one).


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